My Train

Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.

Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

(hhh)

Empty Head

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

(hhh)

Long Hair

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study hard, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

(hhh)

Buying A Tomato

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden.

"I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.

"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."

The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?"

"Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents."

"OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."

(hhh)

Imam’s Horse

An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test ride. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you'll have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you'll have to say Alhamdulillah, and to make it stop, you'll have to say Allahu Akbar.

The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah, and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah, and the horse started running faster, and faster.

All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered, and said it loud "ALLAHU AKBAR".

The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky, and said "Alhamdulillah..."

(hhh)

Who is calling?

The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.

"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.

"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," replies the voice.

"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"

We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it is all right."

"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?"

"Sure. This is my father!"

(hhh)

Most Wanted Person

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

(hhh)

Who is stupid?

New teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

(hhh)

Example of Coincidence

In a class room, a teacher ask to his student.

"Can anybody give an example of ‘Coincidence’?"

One student give an answer, "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

(hhh)

Nine of Ten People Die

A patient asks to a doctor.

"What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

"One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died."

(hhh)

Kalau Gatotkaca Sakit

“Kamu kenal Gatotkaca?"

"Ya! Dia kan tokoh wayang yang hebat. Satria dari Pringgodani yang berotot kawat dan bertulang baja."

"Nah, kalau Gatotkaca sakit, kemana perginya?"

"Barangkali ke gurunya."

"Salah! Yang benar dia akan ke tukang las."

(hhh)

Mau Sama Siapa Lagi

Adam dan Hawa duduk rapat berduaan.

"Apakah kamu benar-benar mencintaiku?"

"Ya iyalah! Emangnya mau sama siapa lagi??!"

(hhh)

Expected Salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

(hhh)

Ada Teriakan Memelas

Seorang anak meminta uang kepada ibunya.

"Buat apa?"

"Di depan rumah ada orang yang berteriak memelas."

"Apa teriakannya?"

"Es krim… es krim…"

(hhh)

Dua Telinga Terbakar

Seorang pasien datang kepada dokter.

"Apa yang terjadi pada Ibu?"

"Saya sedang menyetrika, lalu telepon berdering..."

"Itu menimpa telinga kanan Ibu, lalu yang kiri?"

"Saya berusaha menelepon ambulans…"

(hhh)

Umur Nasruddin

Seseorang berjumpa dengan Nasruddin.

"Berapa umurmu, Nasrudin?"

"Empat puluh tahun."

"Tapi beberapa tahun yang lalu, kau menyebut angka yang sama."

"Aku konsisten."

(hhh)